Dorm Vogue

Here is the most recent conversation between me and my fat roommate:

Him: "We should all wear matching sweaters to convocation tomorrow!"

Me: "Are you serious?"

Him: "Yeah!"

Me: "I don't even have sweaters."

Him: "You don't!??! No sweater vests or anything?!?!?"

Me: "No."

Him: "That's so weird. That's like all I wear."

Yesterday he referred to himself as a "fashionista" (while his ass crack was hanging out, of course). Perhaps I should express my gratitude towards him for his expert advice.

#$@$*()#%*#*%$&(#.

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Things Are Great!

Update: I have moved into college and now live with two other people.

Update #2: One of them got absolutely shitfaced last night and overflowed our toilet after throwing up multiple times.

Update #3: The other is about 400+ lbs and he buys clothes that are too small for him which results in his asscrack/stomach always hanging out. Sometimes both at the same time. Obviously this sense of fashion is very much appreciated.

Update #4: My fat roommate the first day we moved in made the comment that Sam (the abrasive drunk) and I both use "salon products on our hair". He then proceeded to specify that we both use "Paul Mitchell" and followed up with "am I the only one that doesn't?" a) I don't appreciate that comment being made. b) I hadn't even showered yet/had my shampoo out of my drawer so clearly he went through my stuff and clearly I also do not appreciate that.

Update #5: I hate people. I need to live alone. Forever. And ever. And ever. AND EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update #6: The cafeteria food here has laxatives in it.

Update #7: My abrasive drunk roommate buys the cheapest water in the entire world and doesn't drink any of it yet drinks all of my high quality Poland Springs water.

Update #8: It smells like someone peed all over my room because it's covered in toilet water.

To sum up, I am enjoying my college experience.

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Eye Candy

As you can see, I have now blessed your eyes with a new self-made header and theme. I hope that you are having a mental orgasm. Or even just a regular orgasm if you're a sick fuck and get off on that kind of stuff.

I think my entries on this vox should be forever classified as a day-to-day boredom competition that I always seem to best myself in. Today, after awakening at noon, I decided to go on weplayhere.com and proceed to play Dinkybomb and Oddballs. Actually, I didn't play Dinkybomb because no one accepted my challenges. I think that last sentence pretty much determines the fact that I have entered new realms of social rejection.

Hopefully I am able to pry myself from my chair and clean my room today. I don't really have to do that much to it as I have already cleaned it earlier this week. Still, it is a daunting task.

It's really funny how in almost every entry I have mentioned my inability to pry myself from my chair. It's actually more ironic because the chair is not very comfortable at all. From sitting in such awkward positions over these past few years, my chair has lost a great deal of its padding. It is also older than I am. God only knows how difficult it would be for me to remove myself from a comfortable chair.

Hopefully I am able to learn at some point that just because I decide to create a new paragraph it is not okay to completely shift from one topic to another without any transition at all. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening in the near future and definitely not during this entry. Therefore, I am now going to talk about college. I have two roommates. One is a football player and the other is a fat emo kid. I know this only from looking at the default pictures of both of these people on facebook. Since I refuse to add either of them unless they request me first, that is all I'm going to know until move-in day on September 3rd.

Ahh, passive aggression. Yet another admirable quality that I have shown in my lifetime.

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2/3? What an Accomplishment!

So, in case you're wondering what the title of this blog entry means, it is referring to the three things that I stated in my previous entry that I wanted to do this summer. I bought a new car (2005 Honda Civic) and I put up my very first listing on eBay which probably won't sell because I have 0 feedback and no one really wants to buy the Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy video game, but still, it is an accomplishment by my own definition. Now, instead of breaking out into a psychological nightmare like I did in the previous entry that I just read and leading people to truly question my sanity, I think that I will stop writing here.

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Looking Ahead

As i sit and write this entry I regret to inform you that I haven't gotten up off of this chair (except to get some milk just a few minutes ago) in about six hours. While sitting this chair, I have made some wonderfully ambitious and interesting decisions. I have decided 1) that I should start selling things on eBay because it grants me the ability to make money while sitting in this previously mentioned chair, 2) that I should also get a part time job this summer that involves sitting instead of standing, and 3) that I should get a new car that doesn't convulse while I drive up hills and reek of gasoline.

I really can't believe how bored I am right now. Before when I would get to this point of immense boredom I would create a new blog. Nowadays along with my immense boredom comes immense laziness, making such activities impossible. To all those reading, if anyone actually has managed to a) make their way to this URL or b) have the ability to stay conscious whilst reading this entry, I commend you. Your attention span is clearly 48930839058195734 times the size of mine. I can barely even continue to write this without wanting to pass out, nevermind actually have the focus and determination to voluntarily read it.

I like cheese.

Actually, I don't. That was a lie. That's just something I wrote because I honestly didn't have anything else to write. I have no idea why I'm even still typing this blog entry. It has become clear to both myself and I'm sure all of you that I have nothing else even remotely entertaining to write, yet I still continue to pull words directly from my asshole. Yes, you read that correctly. In fact, my asshole is now typing this blog entry. jkaslgjkl;sdgjsdkgsadgffdsagewiotuweriavcxnmzvx. Camera. Zync. I like how I though that Zync was the correct spelling of the element Zinc until vox.com corrected me by underlining "Zync" in red. Wallet. The Polar Express. Yes, in case you were wondering, my asshole is now typing the names of things sitting on my desk at the moment. Speakers. Headphones. K, I really need to stop now. By this point I'm 100% positive that you all (again, I use that term because it's too embarrassing and pathetic to acknowledge the truth that no one is really reading this entry) think I have some kind of psychological disorder.

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Things that I have recently been angered by:

1) My english teacher: He is, without a doubt, one of the most rancid individuals I have ever been forced to come in contact with. Every single word he says makes me a) cringe and b) hate him even more than before. When listing characteristics I don't like about a person, if it becomes necessary for the list to turn into an actual outline (as displayed in the previous sentence), my feelings for that person involve nothing other than pure hatred. Every single move I make in his classroom he is on top of and ready to ridicule me for. If I whisper 2 words to the person next to me or rest my head on my desk for a split second, he immediately calls on me. Along with that, whenever I write a good paper for him he passes it back and says "I was surprised, Gregory, this was actually a good paper." The way he says my name... "Gregory"... is so condescending and unacceptable that I wish I could upload it in an mp3. He is absolutely intolerable.

2) The fact that I apparently have a speech impediment: I suppose that this needs no explanation. Even in normal conversations it poses a real problem.

3) Making awkward phone calls: Since I began to engage in the college process, it has become clear that engaging in daily awkward phone conversations is a prerequisite. Today I am supposed to call Salve Regina, one of two schools that I am considering for next year, and ask them about their program where potential students have lunch with current students and then go to a class with them. Not only do I not want to make the phone call, but I also don't want to have lunch/go to a class with a college student who I don't know and, in turn, pretend to be interested in what they have to say. Also, I know that when I make the phone call I'll have to make my speech about "wanting" to participate in this program to three people before being directed to the person who actually seems like he/she cares. Repeating my speech is not only unpleasant for the people who have to hear it, but also highlights my previously mentioned speech impediment.

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Profound Insights

I don't want to to go college. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to clean my room. I don't want to go downstairs and get myself a glass of water. I would much prefer a glass of water to have the consideration to climb up the stairs and find me for once. In fact, I don't want to do anything at all. I just want to sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

And yes, my fellow reader(s), that is the voice of the youth of America. Rest assured, our country will be in good hands.

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